The late night dancing raindrops shimmer
In headlights, as in the cold
We yearn for the warmth of a crackling fire.
Words fly, and the fire
Of pent-up frustrations shimmer
In tears of a love grown cold.
Though piercing words stream cold
And sharp, they fuel a fire,
Through memories that are but a distant shimmer,
And we discover a shimmer of cold love reawakening in fire.
Lovely work, especially that last line! ***
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Thank you. 🙂
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I really loved that last line in this tritina a lot.
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Thanks. Always good to end an argument on a hopeful note. 🙂
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I can tell you’re growing comfortable in this form. The repeating of words feels natural here and your line breaks add to your meaning. I agree that you delivered a wallop of a last line. Nice job!
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Slightly more comfortable. It’s still a struggle. It’s much easier to write a piece of fiction for sure. I really appreciate the comments.
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I really love this and, yes, the last line is fantastic!
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Thanks 🙂
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I can feel the coldness. I like the idea of sparks of memories reigniting something long frozen.
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Love, pride, and hurt feelings all create an complex mix of emotions. It’s such a relief when hope arises near the end. I’m glad the last line spoke to people.
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Shimmer is such a great word. I love how you found ways to repeat it within the form.
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That’s good to hear. Some words start to sound strange to me when repeated, and that was the case with shimmer.
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